But before that, you guys should watch this video https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XATlmM286wg (just click the link) from IELTS for the detail information about describing the line graph in Business Communication. I have another great example for you to learn more. Keep staying!
After we look carefully the line graph above it is better for us to make the planning stage. Why? Because planning stage can lead or guide us to make a better information that we want to describe future. In this planning stage we only have to give the outline information that we had get, and not the very detail one because we gonna make several paragraph for describing it using the very detail information. Just take a look at the example.
The line graph illustrates the
number of visiting students in tourism destinations between 2011 and 2014 with
4 years period.
As we see,
the report shows the number of visiting students in Paris increased but in the
end decreased over the period, whereas the London that were visited increased
sure but slowly. Meanwhile the number of visiting students in Rome had
fluctuate.
In 2011,
the most popular tourism destinations with visiting students was Rome, being
visited by 1800 students. This was far higher than Paris and London, which were
visited approximately 1000-1500 students in period. After being the highest
tourism destination in 2011, Rome unfortunately had substantially go down into
1200 students. However, apart from a brief rise again from 2012 to 2013, the
number of visiting students towards Rome slightly decreased over in the year
after.
Meanwhile
in contrast to this, students that visited the other two tourism destinations
at some higher levels. Paris destination increased steadily until it overtook
the number of visiting student towards Rome in 2012. It then felt down from
2013 to 2014. The only stable one for tourism destinations was London that went
up slowly but sure from 2011 until 2014, also had exceeding Rome destination in
the middle of 2012 and Paris destination in 2014. Finally, at the end of the
period year the 3 destinations finished at almost the same number.
That's all from me! I hope you can learn from it and using the information wisely. Thank you for reading and have a nice day^^
Hi Rana aka Ecik,
BalasHapusnice writing!
But I think it's not clear in topic you haven't mentioned the destination, so please make it clear like "tourism destination in Europe" or something like that.
keep practicing!
Hi, Rana. I have read your post and I think it is well organized. However, you should recheck the number of students, because in the graph all of the number is above 10,000. Overall, it is such a good one. Good job, Ecik!
BalasHapusThankyou epi!^^
HapusHi rana. I have read your post and i think it's a good post. But there are some gramatical errors in the sentences. But oversll it's very good
BalasHapusThankyou!^^
HapusHello, Ecik! You have done this report very well. Besides, I have 2 suggestions for you. These may can be your consideration for the revision ^^
BalasHapusFirst, please take a look at the second paragraph, I think you can change 'in the end' to 'at the end' ;)
Second, "In 2011, the most popular tourism destinations with visiting students was Rome, being visited by 1800 students." (3rd paragraph). You may change with the other sentence to make it more easy to understand ;)
Overall, good job, Ecik! Keep it up ;)
Thankyou timtam!^^
HapusHi ecik, i have read your post and that's great but i think in the second paragraph you should make it simple and clear. overall it's good
BalasHapusGoodluck!
Hi, Ecik! great paragraph! It would be better if you change "It then felt down...." to "then the number fell down........." goodluck!
BalasHapusThankyou!^^
HapusHi Ecik, I've read your line graph description, but I have some suggestions for you:
BalasHapus1. In the second paragraph, you should change the word "were" become "was" since you just describe one city; "sure" become "surely"; put comma after "meanwhile"; and "fluctuate" become "fluctuated"
2. In the third paragraph, put the word "the" before "period"; put comma after word "Rome" and after "unfortunately", and put comma after the word "year" in the last paragraph
Overall, good job :)
Thankyou!^^
HapusHi Ecik! what a great post you wrote here
BalasHapushowever i think you should change the last sentence in the second paragraph to be "Meanwhile the number of visiting students in Rome fluctuated."
kep up the good work! :)
Hi Ecik! Good Job!
BalasHapusDear, Sir. I only give suggestion towards your comment. Since it would be delightful if you add some suggestion towards her writing. Thank you :)
Hapusi dont know what to say, i'm not good in english language, so i do what i can do...
HapusMy boarding house mate, who is the writer of this blog, really appreciate it whatever the condition. Hope you may learn as well~ Cheers
HapusDear Rana Reski (Ecik),
BalasHapusI have read yours and you have done it good enough. However, there are several things you need to pay attention which are grammar and the used of terminology in describing the graph. For the grammar, some errors I found, such as in the table of planning stage where you need to replace "London is...." with "London was". Also, at the second paragraph where you wrote it "the London..." should be without "the". The third paragraph, "which were visited approximately 1000-1500 students in period" and this sentence really needs "help". You need to re-read it carefully.
Lastly, the term in describing the graph perhaps will help, such as you may replace "slowly but sure" with "gradually".
I think these all, hope these can help you to improve well~ Good luck :)
Thankyou!^^ it was very helping me :)
HapusWoaaa you describe it such a pro ecik
BalasHapusI can understand it easily
Since the experts 👆 already mention what I wanna say
The suggestion from me is just " In 2011, the most popular tourism destinations with visiting students was Rome, being visited by 1800 students." much better i think if you change it to be " In 2011, the most popular tourism destinations visited by students was Rome, being visited by 18,000 students.."
something wrong with the number I think
Regards
Dwen 😘
Thankyou!^^
HapusHelo ecikk!!!
BalasHapusGood job ya hehe
Sam like the other ya there are some mistake that you have to fix.
Keep improving ya✌
-Revision-
BalasHapus1. Planning Stage
Time/tense: 2011-2014/past simple
Topic: Number of visiting students towards tourism destinations in Europe
General comment:
Paris -> Increased and Decreased (at the end)
London -> Increased
Rome -> Fluctuated
Details:
- Paris destination increased steadily until it overtook the number of visiting student towards Rome in 2012. It then felt down from 2013 to 2014.
- London was the only stable one for tourism destinations. London increased slowly but sure from 2011 until 2014, also had exceeding Rome destination in the middle of 2012 and Paris destination in 2014.
- Rome in 2011 was the most popular tourism destinations that had being visited by 18,000 students. After being the highest tourism destination in 2011, Rome unfortunately had substantially go down into 12,000 students. However, apart from a brief rise again from 2012 to 2013, the number of visiting students towards Rome slightly decreased over in the year after.
2. Describing in Paragraph
The line graph illustrates the number of visiting students towards tourism destinations in Europe between 2011 and 2014 with 4 years period.
As we see, the report shows the number of visiting students in Paris increased but at the end decreased over the period, whereas London that was visited increased gradually. Meanwhile, the number of visiting students in Rome fluctuated.
In 2011, the most popular tourism destinations visited by students was Rome, being visited by 18,000 students. This was far higher than Paris and London, which were visited approximately 10,000-15,000 students in period. After being the highest tourism destination in 2011, Rome unfortunately had substantially go down into 12,000 students. However, apart from a brief rise again from 2012 to 2013, the number of visiting students towards Rome slightly decreased over in the year after.
Meanwhile in contrast to this, students that visited the other two tourism destinations at some higher levels. Paris destination increased steadily until it overtook the number of visiting student towards Rome in 2012. Then the number fell down from 2013 to 2014. The only stable one for tourism destinations was London that went up slowly but sure from 2011 until 2014, also had exceeding Rome destination in the middle of 2012 and Paris destination in 2014. Finally, at the end of the period year the 3 destinations finished at almost the same number.